he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
the raccoons are back...
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