I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
