my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Randomize
