dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
