Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
