Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
