You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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