so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
