Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
