So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
