"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
