My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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