I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
