Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
