I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
