She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
