I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
