Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
