allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Randomize
