3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
True strength comes from lack of pants
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
