There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
