I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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