What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
