Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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