Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
