She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
