Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
