I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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