At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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