Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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