cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
