i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
