She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
