True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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