Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
so let's talk penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
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