as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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