So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
