nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize