Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Randomize
