I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
