Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
