Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize