And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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