So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
