sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Just high enough for therapy.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
