Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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