My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize