how can u be prego again
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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