His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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