You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Randomize
