Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
