We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
