Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
