I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Someone came in the potted fern
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
