Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
