You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
