umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
