I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
