He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I woke up under a house in Key West
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