i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
