now i know why i became what i already was.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
