I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
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